I Didn't Need You Anyway
by walkingdisastert
Summary: After PD 9. Mia went through her own depression, now experience Lilly’s method of dealing with things when she’s left without her boyfriend, her best friend, and pretty much anyone to talk to, as she fights to figure out what's important to her.
1. Chapter 1

**Obviously this is a fanfiction and I do not own any of the characters in this story. They belong to the fantastic author Meg Cabot, and will always belong to her. I'll just borrow them for a little bit.**

SUMMARY-Ever wonder what Lilly went through after the whole JP/Michael ordeal? Well now you will! Lilly always thought that she was strong, and never thought that a fight with her friend, or even her boyfriend would bother her so greatly.

**This story will be completely made up of letters that Lilly writes, and maybe even articles from the High School paper she writes for. She likes to write these letters instead of a journal, except she likes to direct her feelings towards the specific person she's irritated with at the time.**

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**AEHS Entertainment**

**By Kata V.**

**Ready for this week's excitement, or maybe this week's bust? AEHS entertainment is hear to catch you up on the latest news and buzz around the entertainment world.**

****Garage band ALFPZ will be playing at the Albert Einstein Middle School Dance this Friday (Come on guys, a middle school dance? Even you can do better than that.)**

****Student Council will be sponsoring a movie night this coming Wednesday, and have finally gained approval to show a PG13 movie for the first time ever in AEHS history! Come out for a good evening and Pirates Of The Caribbean.**

****Youtube Star Jenn has done a collaboration with several other stars to mark 1 million views on her channel.**

****TV personality, well public access TV personality, Lilly Moscovitz has lost her show. Apparently public access has raised their prices, and poor Lilly can't afford them.**

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**Dear Kata,**

**Thanks you ever so much for writing about me and my failure to keep a show going. Thank you for writing about me, and not warning me, so that I could be prepared the next day when I had freshman giggling behind my back as I walked down the hallway to my classes. Thank you for allowing me to experience the idiocy that is Lana Weinberger, who made comments to me during lunch and gym, since she isn't bright enough to be in any of my other classes. I will also thank you personally for the notes in my locker, and the extra comments on my hate website. You knew about IHATELILLYMOSCOVITZ (DOT)COM didn't you? You had to have considering it was covered in the gossip pages of the newspaper and that's pretty much the only thing you read.**

**I don't know if you realized, but I am on the newspaper staff, which is silly of me to tell you because you must know that I am indeed on the newspaper staff. Everyday after school you sit next to me at the center table in the office, so close that I can tell what you had for lunch. We sit there, next to each other, because the editor likes to keep us in groups by grade, and groups of similar topic. (So he can look at his seating chart, that he doesn't think we know about, and never actually have to learn our names.) You do the entertainment, and I do movie reviews, remember? You are constantly leaning over to peek at my screen to see if I'm working on my article for the week or writing another editorial, when you think I'm too engrossed in my work.**

**And I pretend that I don't see you because I figured why start a fight? And obviously you must have some interest in me, or why would you constantly peek over at my laptop? From our newspaper relationship, I figured that you might give me some slack, but you couldn't even do that. Not a word, and when I saw you today, you didn't say anything either.**

**But I won't let it get to me because, it doesn't matter anyway because I don't have a production crew. Ever since my fight with Mia, everyone stopped talking to me. So I wouldn't be able to shoot it, do the makeup, and the research all by myself. Which is fine by me because I have a ton of homework, and couldn't possibly talk to them anyway. And since my lunch period is free I can finally join the AP Calculus study group, which is good because maybe I'll finally raise my average above a 98 and break the top five of the school. (Which by the way, may I add, you are not part of.)**

**One more things I'd like to add. Just because you are on Student Council, doesn't mean you should tell everybody that your event will be a "good evening." Your student council events are generally not good evenings.**

**All my love,**

**Lilly**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you all for the lovely comments, especially those who are not my friends, whom I threatened to post reviews. You guys are awesome to stop and take the time to review! :)**

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**Dear Mia,**

**Did you know that today was the first evening that I didn't pick up my camera and get ready to shoot? How you ever realized how depressing it is to stop doing something you love? Do you realize how pissed off I feel right now, and how this is totally and fully your fault? Maybe if I had friends to come over and help me, then maybe I'd have fought my parents harder to give me the money, or even used some of my own to keep the show alive. But what was the point, knowing that I couldn't do it alone.**

**I hope you're happy, I bet you're sitting there at your computer this very minute, instant messaging Tina and Shameeka. I bet you're talking about the fire drill and how Boris nearly got run over. You're probably not even noticing that it's time to start my show. Maybe Tina remembers, but she's keeping it quiet for your sake. Tina's nice like that, she has the best memory, but won't remind you of something so you don't get hurt.**

**I guess Tina is okay, I know she doesn't think I like her, but she's okay. She looks sympathetic when she sees me in the halls, she doesn't brush by, ignoring me like I'm scum. (Example A Boris) She looks at me, not at the floor, (AKA how you do), and I think she wants to say something but can't find the words. I can't either, and break my rule of not smiling to give her my pathetic attempt.**

**You know, I have no hatred towards anyone but you and JP, I can't be mad at the bystanders of this whole ordeal. I know I'm not the most trustworthy, and I know they'd listen to your story before they'd listen to me. It's not their fault that I can't sit in the cafeteria because I can't stand watching you with your new boyfriend. You and him sit there whispering inside jokes back and forth and not even trying to control your outbursts of laughter after that joke has been told. I can't sit there and witness the glares of my old "friends." So I take my lunch to school, and come lunch time I go straight to my Calculus study group. Did you know that?**

**No, you don't. Sit there knowing that you betray your boyfriend, you betrayed your best friend for a guy you've barely known. You and your stupid fricken princess lessons, and your never-ending supply of money available at any second, and your stupid problems. "Oh goodness me, my hair is triangular. Oh gee, my boyfriend loves me to death and wants to invite me to a party. My boyfriends going to Japan and I've turned into a complete idiot because I won't be able to smell his neck anymore!"**

**Do you ever think about me and my problems? Did you ever think about all the referrals I've gotten because I've tried to make an impact on the school? How many colleges will want troublemaker like me? You never supported me, and I was forced to stand alone, facing trouble because I protested unfair discounts at the deli, and because I set free the sharpies. These things were important, they were social issues. YOU ARE OUR PRESIDENT. You should have done something, but instead you wanted no part of any of my plans, blaming your non-participation on your reputation.**

**But no one could have touched you! Principal Gupta is in love with your Grandmere, not in a gay way stupid. She would never give you detention or publicize our protest. But you don't think! You never do! You're always too scared, but you're going to be a ruler. GET A BACKBONE!**

**It just irritates me to no end, you and your life that still works out okay. You still are a princess, that defines you. Well guess what, my show defined me. You have your future set, now what will I do? **

**Yours, **

**Lilly**

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**Dear JP,**

**While I appreciate the card you sent me, no I do not forgive you. (And by the way, your father is a Broadway producer, and you sent me a card from the dollar store. Do you see anything wrong with that? You could have sent me a basket of desserts, or an edible flower bouquet in less than half an hour, because your father keeps them on hold incase he needs an emergency thank you, which he sends out by the dozen twice a day.)**

**I know that I've been writing these letters for myself, and they are never going to be sent, but I am dying to give this letter to you because we've haven't spoken since you broke up with me. And while you've tried, I've passed by without a thought because I honestly can't stand to talk to you. You knocked over the dominos that lead my life to fall down, and you want to remain friends with me? (Except that isn't even fully true because you won't become "friends" with me unless Mia isn't around. Wouldn't want to upset your new girlfriend.)**

**I saw you laughing at Boris' almost death accident and I was ready to strangle you. Boris isn't the brightest or quick-reflexed person there is, trust me I know. One time when we were at my parent's summer house, he fell into the pool and I had to go in and pull him to the top because he just didn't fully grasp the situation. But that's Boris and life and death situations aren't something to laugh about. Period. Unless it was your death, because that would be great.**

**You are such a two-faced jerk, and I understand why you never had any friends until Mia and I came along. You weren't the victim of some mean kids who never gave you a thought. You were just a leech, waiting for someone that had something for you to come along. You sat there waiting for your day in fame, trapped in soul-sucking school, waiting until you had your prize. **

**JP, you will one day become a producer like your father, and you will be just as pompous as your father is, and when that one day come I won't care. But now I do care, and I wish I didn't. I know how sweet you could be. And now I'm caught in the middle, because I want to hate you and want you back all at the same time.**

**Regretfully Yours, **

**Lilly**


	3. Chapter 3

_Author's Note: Thank you for all of the awesome comments! I love hearing that you guys think that I captured Lilly's voice, and I hope you all forgive me for not updating sooner. I had a massive term paper due! But Spring Break is approaching quickly and I hope to write much more then! ENJOY!_

_Disclaimer: I wish I were Meg Cabot, but sadly am not. Therefore all charcters belong to her, sad isn't it?_

**Dear Mia,**

**Guess what? I won the presidental race, no thanks to you. Except maybe it is thanks to you, because you dropped out, being so torn over being a boyfriend stealer, leaving me an open spot to take the presidency. Which, now that I think of it, probably was the best thing that could have happened. You probably never would have even stepped down like you promised, you probably thought that it would have been better for you to keep being president, leaving me lowly vice. Then you never would have listened to me, like you did last year during the meetings, and never would have let me run anything, because, as you told Tina, I'm "so irrational." You would have just lead me on, let me make your speeches, continue printing up "Vote for Mia" shirts, and pasting posters around the school. And you would have let me do all of this, even though you knew that you'd never step down, because you can't get up the courage to confront ANYONE.**

**So I guess you don't deserve to come to my party tonight to celebrate my winning. I'll invite everyone of our so called "friends", and they will go only to spy me, but it will be worth it, because after they'll tell you all about my fantastic party. Then while they dance and think about how much they dislike me, and eat my free food, you'll be home so upset that I didn't invite you, that maybe you'll get what you deserve, being a boyfriend stealer. And while you're sit home, maybe you'll think about the many nights you left me home, while you went out with all of your other friends, even though I was supposedly your best friend. Michael and Tina were always more important than me, weren't they? And then even when I did go hang out with you, you always insisted that I invite JP along as well. Now I know why, don't I?**

**Do you know what your ex-boyfriend, AKA my brother asked me yesterday? He wanted me to keep an eye on you, like to see if you still loved him. He cares about you! How many guys, who had just been dumped unreasonably by their girlfriends, would do that?**

**Except I wasn't that touched by his deep love for you, and told him no. And then I hung up. (Which didn't turn him away at all because he called two minutes later and my mother said I couldn't hang up because Michael was spending all of that money calling from Japan, and I should at least listen to what he has to say.)**

**So I stayed on the phone and listened to his pathetic whining, until he finally realized that I wasn't going to do it, and that I had lost my boyfriend. He tried apologizing, but that was just so like him, forgetting his little sister over what's important in his life.**

**And I thought that he of all people would have understood, both of us having been left by our "significant other" so they could get together. Except he didn't care about me, he left for Japan whining about you the whole way. No "hey Lilly, Mia kissed JP, I just wanted to let you know before you got teased in front of the school." NOTHING. So I got to go on, not being able to talk to anyone about anything, because no one cares.**

**Thanks,**

**Lilly**

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**Dear Michael,**

**I know you have your own problems, with your own girlfriend cheating on you, but could you not show a tiny bit of compassion for me? Not only do you think I'd go hang out with the girl who dropped me the minute she got a new boyfriend, but you totally screwed my life the minute you left for Japan. Your departure has not been the best thing for this family. **

**Our mother is suddenly not paying any attention to me, distracted by your absence. She is a therapist, and that's what kills her the most. She's suppose to tell people to be strong and control their emotional, but she gets worried sick about you. You're not even out of college, and here she loses you to not another state, but a whole other continent. Besides you, because the world does not relvolve around you, she's still upset over her seperation with Dad. She won't admit it, but she does. Combining Dad+You+my stupid antic of the week, you get a screwed up mother.**

**So instead of noticing that Mia no longer calls me on my cell phone, and noticing that I never leave the house, she thinks about you. Either that or she tries so hard not to think of you that she focuses too hard on a new patient, or a new scrapbooking layout. And you better not bother her during that because she'll just end up yelling at you, which makes the whole situation even worse.**

**You and I have complained about her being too involved, and too caring, but this is ridiculous. I don't know how to start a conversation with her, and frankly I don't want to upset her. It's pretty pathetic actually, that I can't speak to my mother.**

**So you spend your days in Japan, not writing to me or having any contact with me, besides last night. You use you freedom and time exploring the streets of Japan, forgetting about life here in NYC. I bet you're having fun with your stupid robot, something that people will remember about you forever. What do I have that will make an impact on the world? My dead TV show?**

**Sure I'm smart, and sure I have the grades to get into any college I want, but what else do have besides that? My new presidency? I haven't even figured out how that's going to end up, because I have no idea who's going to be on my cabinet, considering I've lost every contact I had, except Ling Su, my vice president. And what really can I do as class president? Change the location of our prom? Set the date of class meetings? Nothing that truly matters, nothing that's going to even make a difference on the school for the year, yet along withstand the two years until I'm out of here. **

**One last thought to add, how many people are actually going to listen to me considering the school hates me? **

**Love,**

**Lilly**

**P.S. Don't even give me that crap that you were wasting an incredible amount of money on a long distance call from Japan. Your research facility pays for those calls, I actually listened when you started talking about how great your new opportunity was. So stop being a baby and making Mom and I feel worse.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 .**

_An Author's Note: Thank you for continuing to read my story, and thank you for commenting! This chapter was written when I was half awake/half asleep, and I know it's not the best. I wanted to tie in the events that were mentioned about Lilly in PD9, and it was very difficult to write that in. I wanted her to be both confused, and yet angry. I don't know if that makes any sense, or whether this chapter makes any sense, but it's all I got for now, so ENJOY! And comment, because comments make me want to update sooner!_

_DISCLAIMER: Nope, don't own any of the characters. Yet. They all belong to the fantastic Meg Cabot. However the song, Dead To Me, is property of my pal Judah and I, courtesy of one random instant message session. Many awkward phrases, and lines, but I hope you like it anyhow._

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**Dear Self, (Because I have no friends to divulge this to.)**

**Oh my God. What on earth did you do? Did your mom really allow you to throw a part with no one home? Did she lose all of her common sense, and forget who you are? Didn't she remember that the last time she left you home alone, you filmed an episode in which you threw things into a blender to see how a fruit/vegetable/junk food smoothie would taste, and then proceeded to break the blender and half the dishes in the kitchen? Because surely if she knew the daughter that she was letting throw a party without an adult present, and remembered that you get into situations that no other teenage girl could get into, then she'd never have let you done that. She must have been temporarily insane to leave town and tell you that you could do whatever you wanted**

**You tried to behave, and tried to keep the party small, but you "accidentally," sent invitations to everyone on you email list. (Which wasn't really accidentally because you managed to miss Mia while sending out those invitations.)**

**You're just lucky that not all two-hundred people that you invited showed up to your election party. Only about fifty showed up, because it was a party thrown my loser self, and half of them don't count because they were on Kenny's Martial Arts Team, who you only let stay because Kenny had brought beer. You felt so bad that Kenny had gone out to buy a couple of cases, that you didn't have the heart to turn him away. Especially since he tries so hard to break his nerd personality. (Like when he tried to drink one of the beers he brought, he had to dump out it after one sip because he got sick.)**

**(I cannot speak in third person anymore, for one thing it's creepy, and for another it can't be mentally healthy. Last time I did that, I couldn't stop and ended up being analyzed by my mother.)**

**Even though it was my party, no one really was there for me. They didn't talk to me at all, no congratulations, and no gratitude for being invited. The people that came just wanted somewhere to hang out, and ended up turning my closet into a make-out room. Now normally I'd have no problem having a make-out room, except there was nobody to make fun of the others with. The only person I felt comfortable approaching were Perin and Ling Su, my vice president and secretary, except they were busy all night talking about some art project that Ling Su had due soon.**

**So instead of standing off to the side, looking like an idiot because I wasn't doing anything, I got in line for the closet. As I waited, I was shoved into it, and guess who was the idiot who shoved me? Kenny.**

**Kenny, the guy writes Bleach fan fictions, shoved me into the "Seven Minutes Of Heaven" closet, and then began trying to kiss me very frantically, and very badly I might add. So I did what anyone would do in that circumstance, I threw him off me, so forcefully that he slammed against the door and hit his head so hard that I think I might have heard the door crack.**

**But instead of cursing me out, he sat down on the ground and pulled me down too. And told me that he had just wanted to get my mind off of Mia, and JP, an thought that maybe this might cheer me up. (he suggested that I was crying, which couldn't have been true. I swore off crying because it's just so stupid, exactly how the media portrays girls; weak. Which I am not, because that would be totally dumb.)**

**Then he said he loved me, which I could not respond to because it was so awkward. So instead of responding, I kissed him. I just didn't want to think, I couldn't think anymore. Not talking, and not working on a project, just left so much time to think that I was tired of it. I was tired of thinking about JP, and my brother, and Mia. I was trapped in my room, thinking too much, and it was depressing.**

**And kissing Kenny wasn't.**

**So after our seven minutes were up, we were kicked out of the closet, which was completely inconsiderate considering that it was MY closet. We then relocated into the kitchen, where we continued to kiss until I saw Mia's friends spying on me. Boris had gone to get Tina, and I saw one of them fumbling for their cell phones, so I went out onto the fire escape, Kenny following behind.**

**And even though it was freezing, almost like a wintry night because of all the dumb weather we've been getting, we stayed there. This time talking instead of kissing. **

**I don't remember half the things we said, but wow. I never knew he had it in him, this boy who never picks his head up out of his chemistry texts and his anime fan guides. He listened, and he spoke at the right times. And I would have stayed out there, but he had to go home and I had to clean up the mess that everyone left.**

**And even though I was just high from talking to Kenny, and finally telling someone what I had done, I crashed.**

**Because even though I might have had a new boyfriend, how could I even think about getting a new boyfriend? I had just been dumped for my best friend by a guy who I thought I loved, and who I thought loved me. It was suppose to have been meaningful, my first meaningful relationship. We weren't rushing, and I thought we'd been okay. I told him my secrets, and he let me read his poetry. I thought that he'd been writing about me, the love he described in his writing? It was amazing. I felt special, something amazing was written about me. I was amazing in someone's eyes.**

**But what am I now? Am I amazing? Am I at least special to anyone? I'm not special to my parents, definitely not, because they haven't paid a speck of attention to me. After Michael, there wasn't anything left to be accomplished. Who cares if I have nearly perfect grades, and am in the top ten of my school? Michael was second in his class. Who cares that I've attracted thousand of viewers on my once alive show, Michael built something that can save lives! Who'd you rather brag about?**

**--Lilly**

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**Dear Whoever Was The Moron Who Sent Me The Email,**

**Do you think you're funny? You think that sum up my relationships with somebody like that with a pop song?! Did Mia prompt you to do this, one of her stupid friends who thought it might be hilarious to taunt Lilly? To make me think that my feelings are that of a silly teenage girl's? That they can be related to a song written by some girl who's clearly never had a fight on the massive scale that Mia and my fight is on?**

**Or are you trying to set us back up together, trying to make me see that our fight was silly, like this song. Well you have no fricken idea, you obviously don't know me well enough, or don't care enough to come talk to my face. So take your stupid songs, and shove it.**

**Love,**

**Lilly **

**PS. Here's your stupid lyrics back, read them and maybe they fit your miniscule range of emotion.**

_**Dead To Me**_

_By B.J Cassia_

_She was my friend _

_Supposedly to the end_

_But now that she's gone_

_and I kind of don't know who I am._

_I guess this it, our ending tune for the friendship _

_Oh cause she's obviously _

_dead to me. _

_She's dead to me_

_Oh I hate friendship rings and bracelets. _

_Delete. Memories wiped from my head._

_I hope she know that this is the end. _

_Cause she's acting like I never existed._

_Replacing me with new friends._

_But I can do that too._

_I can replace you _

_**CHORUS**_

_Is she so blind to see exactly what she did to me?She couldn't have thought the truth in her never was so kindBut this is a first of the who cares now because I'll never see_

_Never see her again._

_Nevermore friends,Cause she's so dead to me_

_Well what a lovely girl you are . _

_Yeah right._

_I want to put up my hands_

_Come on, lets fight._

_I'll tell everyone exactly what you did. _

_Come on lets see who has the higher bid. _

_oh well friendship you obviously have no idea what it means._

_And I'm just the one you left behind _

_**CHORUS**_

_Is she so blind to see exactly what she did to me?She couldn't have thought the truth in her never was so kindBut this is a first of the who cares now because I'll never see_

_Never see her again._

_Nevermore friends,Cause she's so dead to me_

_Friendships dead_

_Dead to me_


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**This chapter was so hard to write! I almost gave up, because I couldn't just quite place her emotions right. However, I'm just glad that I've finally finished. I'm sorry if it seems a bit rushed, but it's midnight. I'm tired, yet still awake enough to type this out properly. Somewhat.  
**

**I love comments, love them, love them, love them! Please tell me if anything makes no sense at all, whether I made grammar mistakes, whatever you feel you need to comment on! It's my fifth chapter, so come on! Comment extra! Get your friends to comment!  
**

**Disclaimer: Not my characters, sorry to disappoint you. They, as well as the list, belong directly to Meg Cabot. The list is from the actual website.  
**

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_Dear Mom,_

_I don't think you'd appreciate what I've done. Appreciate isn't the word, actually you wouldn't approve at all. I don't know how else to deal with this, because I just can't take it any longer. I have to do something, isn't that what you taught me to do? If I have a problem with somebody, or something, that I should deal with it. Well this is my way of dealing with things, making sure that the world knows that the picture of perfection, Mia Thermopolis, isn't the sweet princess that she is known as._

_So I made a website, which was totally easy considering that thinks we're morons who can't design a simple webpage by ourselves. And it just has to get more members than because she's a princess, and I'm not. Maybe I can post some of the clips of her being stupid in the cafeteria, which I haven't brought myself to delete yet. Perhaps fate has been kind to me, leaving me amazing ammo against her. I figure that once the videos hit Youtube, that I'll gain even more popularity. Who can resist the temptation of a celebrity hate site?_

_And I present to you, dear mother, my list. The ultimate list. The list about the girl who screwed me over. The top ten reasons why I can't stand my own best friend. (Need to stop writing that. Ex-best friend.)_

**Top Ten Reasons Why I hate Mia Thermopolis**

**10) She's a princess.**

**9) The fact that she is constantly writing in that stupid journal.**

**8)She had the best boyfriend in the whole world, and she blew it.**

**7) Always whining about wanting to be self-actualized. Please. Self-actualization implies the attainment of the basic needs of physiological, safety/security, love/belongingness, and self-esteem. Who expects to have all that at sixteen?**

**6) She obsesses. About EVERYTHING.**

**5) What is up with the no-meat thing?**

**4) She can't do even the simplest math problems.**

**3) Did I mention she's a princess?**

**2) She's a boy-friend-stealing byotch.**

**1) Her hair looks stupid.**

_Maybe the last part is a bit superficial, but she has fifteen stylists at her beck and call! Does she have to have to cut her hair so short that it's only three inches long? And did it have to be at the cheap, seedy $8 haircut place down the street? The same place where her baby brother got his hair unevenly cut?  
_

_And you know what she was doing today at lunch? She was writing about me, I knew because she always writes in large bubbly letters, so grand and flourished that you can see it from three feet away. (And she wonders why she's always getting caught passing notes, is she really that dense?)_

_But she was writing about me! Me of all people. She thinks that she has a right to write about me like I'm the one with the problem. Hello Princess Mia, anything up there? Anything in that enormously large, but barely filled head?_

_But she's always writing about me because I wouldn't "support her." Because I wouldn't support her in her efforts to steal my boyfriend, and dump my brother. Well I hate to tell her that even though I may not show it, and we may have been close, but blood is thicker than water. I'm going to stand by my self-centered, rocker-wannabe, technological genius brother. The brother who's basically perfect, and leaves me in the dust from his trail-blazing. _

_But I guess her problem was that she thought he was perfect. She expected perfection, and thought he had been perfect all his life. She expected him to have waited his whole life for her, to have lived up to her perfect standards before he even knew her._

_SO SHE BROKE UP WITH HIM BECAUSE HE HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE._

_And I totally understand why she would be mad, but then she goes and dates a guy who absolutely was no virgin. A guy whose slept with multiple girls; including me. So I'm trying to understand her, and why she'd be such a jerk to me. I understand her being taken with him, it wasn't hard for me to fall for him. And he lies so eloquently, you can't tell what's false, and what's real. Whether anything is real in his life is something I'll never find out, and never want to find out. For me you painted your glamorous lifestyle, and the sadness of being misunderstood. What's the scene for Mia? A knight in shining armor, the piece of perfection that she's been wishing for after my brother let her down._

_So Mom, if I admitted my problems to you, what would you do? Forbid me from going out? Take me to the doctor and saying nothing to me, leaving it up to him? Cry for me like you have done for the loss of Michael? It has to be one of those, because you certainly would never have spoken to me about it. You never would have told me that it was going to be okay, that I'd find another guy. You never would have told me that maybe it was a stupid mistake and tried to have comforted me._

_And that's why I will not tell you this, and I will not tell you anything else. I won't tell you why I've lost my friends, and all the problems I have with my pathetic self. I won't tell you that maybe I'm rushing into another relationship, so quickly that I can't envision a future. I can't picture a future with Kenny, not like I have with all the other guys. I can't see our children, and our apartment, and our coming home each night._

_And so while I sit here trying desperately to see through the fog that surrounds my path, I wonder whether I should just dump him, because I'm such a mess. But that isn't fair to him, and it isn't exactly fair to me.  
_

_But why is this so hard?  
_

_--Lilly_

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_Mr. Guidance Counselor,_

_You neither are a source of guidance, nor a decent counselor, so why are you here? At one of the most prestigious academy's in New York City! Do the school administration know about you, about this? I only ask this because after my moronic teacher sent me to you, you were no possible help. (Apparently my math teacher thinks it's unhealthy to come up everyday during lunch for our calculus study group. Apparently he's never seen me hang out with any friends, which may be true, but is none of his business.)_

_So you Mr. Useless Guidance Counselor made me first listen while you played some obnoxious orchestra music, which always gives me headaches. It was not soothing, or comforting, or mind-stimulating as you think it might be, but instead annoying. I don't want to listen to 5 different melodies at once, pounding out from the stereo. Nor do the rest of the school, and we don't expect you to try to find music that we all like. JUST TURN IT OFF!_

_So then after that, you proceeded to whine about my schedule. (Like that would be too taxing! Was it not you who limited my classes, accusing me of taking on too much? I curse the day and the luck that gave me the only male, and most clueless, guidance counselor. I didn't get the nationally accredited psychologist, and I didn't get the one with phD. I got the one too ancient to relate to me at all. )_

_So you whined about my schedule, reviewing it over and over again. You reviewed my classes, asking whether I liked it, and whether I was finding it too challenging. (And let me explain something to you; Just because I call a course "challenging" doesn't mean I should drop it, and that it's too hard to take. Haven't you ever heard of challenging yourself so you can improve, old dinosaur of the guidance wing.)_

_Then finally after that, you established my emotional level, and whether I was stable. (Which I know because you made no effort to hide the mandatory paperwork you had to fill out for me.) You waited for me to cry after talking to you, like every other girl who comes in and wants to leave. They make up a quick lie, and then blink until they cry. That way you can feel like you've done something, and they can miss gym class. It's a win-win situation, isn't it?_

_You didn't ask me the most relevant question, was I talking to Mia? If you were competent you would have done some research and found out that she was the source of my problems. Instead you arbitrarily pick things to talk about. Nothing useful asked, nothing useful done. I glad that you wasted my time, and wasted the time that you could have used to surf ITUNES to buy more of those stupid violin concertos. I could have been studying, or learning, but instead I was trapped there while you got paid to do something that didn't need to be done._

_You know what she did, she was writing about me AGAIN. (Which got her in trouble yesterday because her math teacher could tell that she wasn't writing about math at all, but instead about some of her stupid princess duties.) She was writing about my speech today in English class, and how she thought it was so unjustified and foolish. It was just like an uninformed, gullible so called "animal rights activist" would behave. She supposedly cares about animals, but she doesn't even think about how the animals benefit from testing. Like how they get new medicine and technology from the experimentation. And that medicine that's keeping her grandmother alive, and the vaccinations that just protected her brother from getting malaria? Is she going to deny them those medical advances because they happen to have been developed on animals? _

_I bet she'll kill her country because she'll refuse to provide them with vaccines. And then everyone will wish that congresswoman, or news anchor, or famous literary magazine editor Lilly Moscovitz was the princess of Genovia because she would have given the country the life-saving drugs they needed. Then how will you feel knowing you couldn't recognize my genius?_

_Ha Mr. Guidance Counselor! HA!_

_Love,_

_Lilly_


	6. Chapter 6

_I love comments so much that whenever I get one, I start writing the next chapter. So if you comment, you get the next chapter more quickly! That being said, I want to thank everyone that commented, because you guys are awesome!_

_This chapter was written in like five different pieces. I wrote some of the first letter, then some of the second letter, and just threw it together today. I'm just having a bit of trouble trying to see where I'm going with this, and what I really want to do with Lilly to make the story interesting, but still following the events that Princess Diaries mentions about Lilly. _

_So I hope you enjoy reading, and I hope you comment, good or bad. I'd love if you see anything wrong or anything that just sounds bad, you'd throw me a comment, and tell me! THANK YOU SO MUCH!_

_--Walkingdisastert_

_************************************************************************_

_Dear Mr. Salinas, _

_As you have taken over the AEHS computer club, and are potentially to blame for my current problems, I decided to direct this towards you. Since you are a so called computer genius, answer me this. Why are computers so ludicrously stupid? Do they have to be so erratic? Do they have to delete your term paper when you need it most? Does it have to freeze your email when you need to check to see what your homework assignment because it's ten at night and it's due the next day, and you really just want to go to sleep? _

_But the worst is when your working on highly advanced HTML coding and then your computer decides that it's a good idea to shut you browser. Your computer isn't old, and it isn't filled with viruses or any of that junk, but it simply hates you. _

_Someone here is going to have hell to pay. The computer manufacturer (for making the worst computer in the history of computers and marketing it as the best), Verizon (for providing crappy internet), blogspot (for kicking me off), or maybe even you, Mr. Salinas. You had to give me homework on the night that I was finally going to unleash my payback, my revenge, the night retribution would finally occur. You had to distract me, so that when I turned my back for all of 30 seconds to do the homework, that you thought was challenging, my webpage template was gone. Vanished as if I had not been sitting there since school let out, making changes here and there. I am not the kind of person that sits at my computer doing the most tedious work in the world for nothing._

_And maybe I deserved it. Maybe it was fate telling me to give some forgiveness to someone who had given me none. However fate or not, I wasn't going to listen to the gods. They made me lose three hours of work, and I had no choice but to go against them and redesign my whole webpage. _

_So I did what anyone would doing this kind of situation. I called a computer nerd; I called Kenny. And being your typical high school computer nerd, he was home and ready for some outside contact instead of his days playing video games and watching anime. _

_I wasn't going to take all of his time, I was just going to use his computer. I didn't want to risk the chance that my computer was going to throw me off again, and I knew that Kenny had an amazing computer. But he was so eager to help me, that it was impossible to deny that help. (Which was on one hand weird, because he was Mia's ex boyfriend and current lab partner. On other hand, she spent her whole chemistry period flirting with JP, so I understood why he might want to get revenge on her.)_

_It was just sweet, insanely sweet of him to stop what he was doing and help. And it was even more insanely sweet that he helped me with my physics homework, and he doesn't even take physics! He's a genius, that much is certain. And what else is certain? His amazing social skills. During the whole webpage designing, and double checking my math on my chemistry lab, he convinced me that I should drop out of Gifted and Talented, and join the computer class that he is helping the professor teach! And since I skip Gifted and Talented to go "study" in one class or another, I think I will. (Keeping me furthermore away from Mia and her group of jerks.)_

_But now I sit here stuck, trying to google something that will make me not look like a complete fool when I go and ask Mr. Moron, my guidance counselor. And furthermore, I need to learn enough to not embarrass Kenny in front of the rest of the computer design class. I've seen their work, I know that they can photoshop Britney with a baby bump in like a minute, while I've never even touched photoshop, let alone ever even used paint._

_Which shows why it took me so long to make the website in the first place. Half an hour alone was spent trying to make the background a different color, another half an hour spent trying to make a title just large enough to fit the width of the screen but not too large so that it would extend to the next line._

_So I finished my webpage, did my physics lab, and spent time with possibly the best friend I have these days. So when I do not turn in my homework tomorrow, Mr. Salinas, then blame yourself and my computer for wasting my time. (In your case, wasting my time with busywork.) You would have done the same thing in my place, wouldn't you have? Even you had a life at one time, a life away from writing referrals and teaching a class of children who act like they were dropped on their heads. _

_I've seen those pictures on your cluttered desk in the back of the room, and I've seen that of you in the Caribbean with someone who I guess is your mother. I know that you have fun once in awhile, I see your eyes light up when you start talking to Mr. M about your college days and when you first started teaching. I heard about that one drunken night during winter break, and when you jumped on your desk to scare your students into behaving. (Which brings me to my next question, why do you, as well as the other teachers in AEHS, always think that you can speak in tones that we students can't hear. We are three feet away, and have not lost our hearing like you old folks have.)_

_But while you remember your carefree days, and the days when you once had fun teaching, you act like we have no lives. You don't actually teach us in class, and then give us four pages of busywork to complete what you didn't cover in class. Now does that sound fair? _

_Look deep into your heart Mr. Salinas, think about the carefree days of your youth! Give me a break for once? I have the highest average in the class, am perfectly suited to take the SAT subject test in math only a few months into school, and have done my homework every other night except tonight. Give me some credit._

_Unregretfully,_

_Lilly_

_************************************************************************_

_Dear Michael,_

_Having a computer genius as my almost boyfriend is actually a pretty good idea. Because when you have a plan to take down your ex-best friend, who just so happens to have a whole team of lawyers ready to give up vast expanses of time to defend her, then you need to be prepared. So by having you close around, I was reminded that I should probably have a backup plan._

_So I created the template, more so you created it, and put it on a flash drive. I signed up for a blogspot account under a false name with incredibly random information, and went under a different IP address as not to be traced by her team of prosecutors. From there I took my flash drive with the template and took it to school, where I swiftly, if I may say so, uploaded it to the internet on the public computer. _

_Easy, no? But now I sit here waiting for someone to comment on my webpage, or at least look at the page so that I can get some hits._

_And while Kenny feels a little uneasy about doing this, I can't see what's going to happen. If someone with no life wants to go through all that trouble to trace the website back to me, then let them. And what's Mia going to do? Sue me? Sure, like Mia would ever risk that kind of confrontation. She'd be too afraid to stick up for herself, and risk it making the tabloids that have just started conveniently following her around. And then if it made the tabloids, it might cause a further rift between you and herl! So then when she gets sick of JP, or the other way around, she can't run back to you! And that would upset the perfect transition!_

_And you know that you would take her back. You KNOW that even though you are now practically a world-renowned scientists, not many girls are too interested to date the likes of your __Star Wars __obsessed, loner musician, horribly boring guy who doesn't believe in love, type of guy that you are. You are so unromantic that you wouldn't even buy your girlfriend a Valentines Day present, and then for Christmas, bought her an action figure. Ever hear of jewelry Michael Moscovitz?_

_Of course you haven't. You've been too busy sitting alone in your room building a computer from scratch, and chatting with those stupid people from Japan on how you could improve your robot arm prototype. You don't surf the internet, you read the AOL headlines. You wouldn't see their "What To Buy Your Girlfriend So that You can Impress Her" list. You wouldn't get the idea that maybe she might like a gift._

_And do not get me started on how you told her about your past sexual relations. You DO NOT just tell a girl that you've been with someone else the night before you run off to Japan and she's ready to give up her values to give herself to you. YOU WERE SUPPOSE TO BRING THAT UP WHEN YOU STARTED PRESSURING HER ABOUT SEX, MORON._

_God, maybe I should get you a Seventeen and a Cosimo Girl, it might teach you something. _

_But that's my circle of friends and family. Extremely dysfunctional. We're like a soap opera, except more pathetic. DEFINITELY more pathetic, because you have me included in that tiny little group. If I am not the prime example of pathetic, then call Webster's, because someone needs to redefine pathetic._

_It's actually even more pathetic that I'm sitting her writing about how pathetic I am. Don't I have anything else better to do? Shouldn't I be doing something productive, like doing my homework?_

_No, I have nothing even remotely interesting to think about. Apparently my teachers think that AEHS is a school for idiots, because I don't get any homework. (At least any thought-provoking homework.)_

_Your Sister,_

_Lil_

_************************************************************************ _

_Dear Mother, _

_I don't think you realize how badly I NEED that new laptop, since you haven't listened to a word of my argument since I got home and began arguing with you about it. _

_My computer isn't the new piece of technology that you think it is. It was bought three years ago, at the lowest price that you could find a laptop, and since has been taken apart by my brother and no longer works properly. You cannot just buy the first laptop that you see off the shelves and pass it off to me without knowing what kind of use I would have for it. That computer was meant for someone who would keep it in pristine condition, using it only for the occasional web search or notetaking. It was not meant for a college-bound student who uses it everyday in order to take notes, work on her homework, work on her newspaper pieces, and edit her video for her show. It was not meant to be dragged in a bookbag 5 days a week, or maybe even 6 days if I decided to go to the open study session at the school library. _

_I need a solid laptop with a DVD player, a long-lasting battery, and a good hard-drive. I need something that I can bring around, and that won't get beat up too badly, because I am not the most coordinated person you know. I need a laptop with a large screen, and one that I will surely keep away from my brother because he thinks it's fun to take apart different computers and put them back together to see how each brand makes their computers. _

_I am not being vicarious here, I am not one of those girls who goes to school carrying her $300 Ipod and her $100 phone and throws them around trying to break them on purpose so that she can get a new set from her parents. I think that you've raised me well enough so that I will use it properly. You can monitor me, check my homework for all I care, because I need this for academic purposes! (As well as not to look like a complete fool when I go take the computer design class with Kenny.) _

_If it was Michael, you'd go ahead and buy it for him. But since it's me, you have to "think" about it. You're so busy missing him and trying to be a good parent to me, that you've totally lost touch. You have the money Mom, and it's not like I could pay for it myself. You were the one who decided that we children should not get an allowance, because you thought that daily duties should not be rewarded with cash, the reward should be that they contributed something to the household. _

_And to top that all off, you were the one who would not let me get a job, or even do more than five volunteer hours in a row at the Greenpeace office here in the city. So who am I to turn to at this point? Should I call my father? Because I know how much you love it when I call him and bring him back into your life, by bringing him back into my life. And you know that he would take me out shopping for a computer, and then he would have to come to the house and help me install everything to get it just the way I want it, because that's something he would to try and stay in my life. He would take that one moment of reaching out and use it to its full extent. _

_And that would require him being in your house, your domain. That would require you to say hello and goodbye to him, even though you wish that you could leave while he was there. However, that would not be something that you'd do, because in your paranoid world, He might go through your stuff, he might listen to an answering machine message. He might just do something that would prove to him that you are not completely happy with you and his split. And you wouldn't want that, would you? _

_You need to prove to him that you are strong; You need to prove that you are just as good as he is in your profession, and that you can get over something like this. _

_But you can't. You don't speak to anyone about this, and you try not to let anyone see your weakness. Newsflash mother, it's not working. I'm in this house just as much as you are, and I see you worrying and fretting. Don't you have some kind of friend to talk to? Someone you can complain about your lousy divorce, and stupid kids to? You need to get out there and find somebody, because you certainly are not giving me any of this information._

_You need to SNAP OUT OF IT! And there is something that you can do, you can stop obsessing about the departure of you poor son. I'll be gone sooner or later, and then what? You won't leave the house? Go call some of your pals from all those conferences that you go to, and do something, because I'm sick of not being listened to, and sick of this house._

_Please Mom, just listen to me this once. I NEED that laptop for school, for my education.. Do you want me to end up like the rest of the morons at school? Are you prepared to risk my future, because you won't get me a key tool? Are you willing to risk the chance of me being stuck in you house because I couldn't get a high enough average in high school so I couldn't get into a good college, and couldn't get a good job, therefore making me unable to support myself?_

_And lastly, do you really feel like putting up with my crap for the next three years if you refuse to get me a new computer? Because you've dealt with me before and know that I do not give up a fight until I've made my point and get what I want. I'm prepared to harass you, because frankly, I have nothing better to do with my time._

_All my love, _

_Lilly_


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